Sunday, September 10, 2017

growth in neediness...

Hello?



Hello, anybody there?



Oh hi there.  It's me again.  Yes, I'm really back!

Well, sort of.

I mean, it's been crazy.  Like really, really crazy.

Moving is really hard.
Moving into an unfinished home is even harder.
Moving into an unfinished home at the most stressful time of your husband's year is even harder than that.

Y'all, we've almost been drowned by the storm surge of life these past 2 months.  And it just continues to rain.

I know the sun will shine again on the other side of this, but right now we are caught in the flood and desperately trying to hold onto any life preserver in sight.

So, we've officially moved to the River House.   Pictures will come later.  I've only grabbed myself a few minutes and a laptop to write.

(And did I mention it's been really hard?)

The four of us are still, 2 months later, camped out in the basement of the River House.  The kids share the only bedroom, and Marc and I have a mattress on the floor of the small living area.  We have a functioning bathroom down here, and the kids have sortof learned to take showers.  (though they are dying to take a bath again one day.  God bless our neighbor who invited the kids over to get a real bath.)

Upstairs, on the main level of the house, our kitchen is now almost complete.  We have a dining room table.  We have a lovely new sectional couch and area rug in the Great Room.  It's going to be amazing.

We also have piles of tools and obstructed walkways with construction material and moving boxes/furniture that can't yet be stored until there's a room with a finished floor.

Compared to last month, we're getting there!

But compared to normal life, we aren't.

The top floor of the house (our bedrooms and bathrooms) is still deemed uninhabitable.  Though we've hired a tiling guy and plumber up there this week, it's a disaster.  I originally thought it'd be Christmas before we'd be able to move to the top floor.  Now I'm hoping by Halloween my kids can have their rooms and a bathtub again.

Y'all, there is really something to this idea of having a "settled" place.  Generally knowing where your things are.

But these days, everything presents itself as a challenge.  It feels like a triumph to get dressed beyond jeans and a t-shirt (my daily wardrobe for these past 2 months).  It feels like a triumph to cook a meal (which to be honest, I haven't much).  It's a true accomplishment to get my kids out the door to school without forgetting anything.  (And also an accomplishment not to trip over construction stuff as you're trying to get out of the door.)

Day after day, the constant, chronic stress wears on you.  Emotionally, physically, spiritually.  We've both found ourselves under medical care and in counseling to make it through this flood we're under.

Though I don't want to, I'm learning how to reach out for help in various forms of support.  And then reach out again.  And in my own humility, reach out again.

I'm learning what it feels like to be needy.  Like really, ongoing needy, where your problems don't go away in a couple weeks.

I'm feeling more in common with my neighbors who are impoverished materially.  Though they are abundantly rich in community, and I have experienced my own deficit in relationships through this.

I'm learning how serious stress is.  Upon our bodies and our minds.  How important it is to manage and reduce it, if that's even possible.

I'm learning that money is important, but saving it isn't worth losing your sanity.  Cue the therapist bills, medical bills, and contractor bills.

I'm seeing how resilient kids are.  How they can roll and adapt to new situations with relative ease, as long as they're feeling nourished and nurtured.

I'm learning how I'm simultaneously tougher and weaker than I thought I was.

I'm seeing our own limitations.  And the beginnings of aging bodies that can't handle what they could in our 20's and 30's.

Moving here, stepping down from my job as worship director, sending Caroline to public school, were to be the beginning steps of "new life" for us.  (a separate post on Caroline's great start in her 1st public school experience to come...)

Transitioning into this "new life" has been somewhat tumultuous, but we have hope that brighter days are yet to come.