Oh man, it’s been awhile.
And life is completely different now.
For the past 17 years, this would be the “peak season” of
our year. College students are returning
to town, and this is when all ministry events and meetings would kick into full
swing. My body just naturally feels stressed this time of year remembering the
pressure to meet and welcome new freshmen into our group.
But this year is different.
We aren’t in the business of welcoming students anymore. We’re in the business of welcoming
guests. Into our homes and into our
city. In this break from vocational
ministry, Marc and I have been given the opportunity to pour ourselves
full-time into houses and Airbnb. We’re making
our life-long hobby into our job. Fun,
right? Emphatically I’ll say YES. But it’s not without its own set of stressors.
Because we don’t know if this house thing is going to be our
next “thing,” or if it’s just an “in the meantime” thing. We can’t see into the
future, and we don’t know where God may call us next. So for now, we are staying put in Lynchburg
and being resourceful with what we have and what we know. We’ve got some rental property, we’re working
on our 3rd Airbnb now, I’m co-hosting for several Airbnb clients (sort
of similar to a property manager), we’re starting our first ever house flip
very soon, and Marc will be doing some on-call hospital chaplain visits with
University of Lynchburg students.
We’re busy, busy, busy, which is why you rarely hear from me
on this format anymore. Usually all I can squeak out is a picture and highlight
reel on social media here and there. And
as great as social media can be to keep us all briefly in touch, it’s a harder place
to be real, to be vulnerable.
That’s my hope for this blog. It was always intended to be a “safe place”
for me to honestly pour out my feelings and fears. If you know me in real life,
you know that I value authenticity and transparency. There just isn’t time in life to beat around
the bush and pretend. So here I am, back
to type and process a little as I write.
We’ve received various reactions to our decision to step down
from RUF without having a “what’s next” plan already concocted. Some have called us brave and inspirational,
some probably think we’re crazy. And generally,
it’s not a good idea to leave one job until you have the next one squared away,
I agree. I’m not a risk taker by nature,
and I can’t tell you how HARD it was for me to walk into this no-man’s land. No monthly paycheck. No benefits.
No job. Well, sort of.
I didn’t honestly know if we’d be okay, but here we are. We
made it to the other side and WE DIDN’T DIE.
In fact, we’re actually doing quite well! We’ve got a freedom that we haven’t felt
before… a freedom over our calendar, over our choices, over our life’s
direction and calling. Ministry, as wonderful
as it was with our students, had demands on us (particularly with fund-raising)
that were beginning to feel more like shackles than freedom. As we’ve gone through major identity shifts
over the last few years, we’ve felt the need to leave our neighborhood, our
institutions, our social and financial security in order to go where God was
obviously sending us.
Like He did with Abraham, God has pushed us out of our
comfortable places. And He hasn’t yet
told us WHERE we’re going. (small details…)
It’s frustrating and scary at times, yet we try to walk faithfully (though
feebly) by faith and not by sight.
We’re working with our hands and doing what’s in front of us.
Today I stopped to think about all the suffering we’ve endured
over the past year, and a word came to my mind: “Re-formation.”
It’s funny how over the years we often used the word “reformation”
in our ministry. Even in the name, “REFORMED
University Fellowship.” It’s a theological
word with tons of meaning with which we are well-acquainted, but not until
today did I think to apply it to our family’s experience as of late.
But today. It hit me.
If God is the Potter, and we are the clay, He has slowly and
painfully decided to shape a new work with us.
The “clay” of our life is mold-able and changeable. Life as we knew it, like the clay on the
potter’s wheel, has been crushed in His hands. It’s felt like we’ve been
spinning incessantly. He has seen fit to push us from every direction and it’s
hurt like hell.
I have doubted His goodness.
I have doubted His presence.
But even though we’ve felt knocked down, the Potter has never
removed His hands from us. He’s been at
work the entire time to “RE-form” and re-shape us into a new masterpiece for
His glory.
And as we enter this time of “RE-formation” into who knows
what, may we begin to feel the gentle touch of the Potter’s hands upon us.
