the blessing of bald...

It's been awhile since I (Amy) gave an update on our world of alopecia. And I'm usually more inspired to "write" to you all about it when I find my heart struggling with it. But if I only update when times are hard, then it only gives you half of the story that God is weaving in our lives through Caroline's alopecia, where there is both blessing and sorrow.

So today I'll share some of the blessing...

As I reflect upon the past year or so, I think the best word to use for my current frame of mind is acceptance. God has been so good to grant me a renewed sense of peace about my daughter's baldness. I used to worry something was terribly wrong with her, and now I know it's not. She just doesn't have hair.

And I think she's beautiful. Period.

I don't care what anyone else thinks. She's lacking in NOTHING. Marc and I honestly don't know if a head full of hair would make her more beautiful than she is! And maybe our culture wouldn't agree, but right now, I really don't care. That's my Caroline, and she is simply gorgeous to me. We have every intention of "rocking the bald" as she continues to grow older.

As you can imagine, alopecia certainly draws attention in a crowd. And any of you that know my daughter, she's quite okay with that. :) The way she lights up a room when she walks in it makes me so proud to be her mom. I love watching her bask in her own self-confidence. (although I am desperately trying to instill some sense of humility in this girl!!) She knows without a doubt that she is a beautiful princess (with a hat OR without) and I hope that will always be so.

There is NO shame in this. There is no need to hide or cover up. Hats (and maybe wigs in the future) are for fun and for protection from the sun or the cold. NOT for acceptance. Sweet Caroline, you already have all the acceptance you need in your heavenly Father.

This may not make sense to any of you, but I can't help but notice when people look at us in public, somehow I think they are reminded of bigger things in life. Sure, they think Caroline has cancer or leukemia, and nothing could be farther from the truth, but I say let them think what they want. A couple of weeks ago, an employee at Lowe's stopped us to talk about his own fight with cancer. Obviously, it was a little awkward because we actually couldn't identify with the struggles he was sharing. But that didn't matter. Pain is pain. And we were able to listen and hopefully bring him encouragement.

I imagine as the years pass, I will come to an even deeper acceptance with alopecia, and I envision my daughter beginning to face more and more struggles with it the older she gets. I pray that is not the case in her situation, but hopefully God will continue to give us grace in this area as we love her fiercely throughout her life. Even now as I hear her explain her own hairloss, ("I have alopecia and it means that my hair all fell out!") I do pray that she will experience true acceptance with it. Right now she still thinks she's going to get more hair when she gets bigger, and I must admit, it's a little tough to answer that knowing that it is unlikely. (I usually say something to the effect of, "yeah, maybe you will someday! But sometimes people with alopecia don't get their hair back. But if they want hair, they can wear pretend hair!")

My daughter had a full head of lovely brown hair. (You probably wouldn't even recognize pictures of her with it anymore!) And when she began losing it at 21 months until she was slick bald, I thought something terrible was happening to my child. (And sure, this isn't the way things are supposed to be.) It was as if a terrible storm had overtaken us. As if life had capsized our boat and thrown us into the deep murky waters. I don't feel like I can even adequately begin to recount the heartbreak, the fear, and the despair that almost overtook me the past year and a half.

But God in His grace has been with me through it all. I absolutely LOVE the words of Isaiah 43, and as I walk beside others who are in the midst of deep pain in life, I find comfort here:

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you
And the waves will not overcome you
Do not fear, for I have redeemed you
I have called you by name
You are mine.

God has been so kind and gracious to give us alopecia. (those of you who walked through this with us, can you believe I'm saying that with sincerity now?!) Much blessing abides in it as we abide in Him. I know there will be many days ahead where I don't believe that, but oh, when I think about how He has grown me and what He has taught me through it, I am so humbled! I would've never asked for Him to work in this way, and I wouldn't ever have asked to suffer, but now as I am coming OUT of the worst of it, I see that He WAS, indeed, with me. He did not let the waves overcome me. We might have lost hair, but we gained so much more.

Who'd a thought that bald could be a blessing...

for the love of swinging...

It sure took long enough! This was my baby that never took to any type of swing, even in her earliest months. And up until now, she would climb and slide to her hearts' content at a park or playground, but try putting her in a swing and nooooo! "I wanna go slide!"

But as of recent, I'd say things are a little different now. ;-)

hands of love #19...

Oooooh, get your grocery lists out, because have I found some good ones for you! With summer rapidly approaching, it's so exciting to see our local produce stands back in business again! I'm sure you'll see more and more of it showing up in upcoming hands of love's.

(and thank you, guys, again for your wonderful feedback on our last "hands of love" post! It is so cool to know that some of you are actually trying and liking these recipes!)

So without further ado, made for my sweet little family with hands of love...


Green beans from the produce stand. Up until now I was always steaming them. (which is good for nutrition) But these, my friends, were the BEST green beans I've ever tasted. Taste as if they were grilled, but they aren't. Look as if they were difficult, but they weren't. You'll definitely want this recipe. (and don't worry-- I didn't have any fresh thyme, so I just used dried thyme & it was still amazing)


Speaking of fresh produce... salad! I know... I show a salad picture practically every time, but they're just so beautiful and delicious, I can't help it! This time I baked some fish really quick and put it on top. When you cook gluten free like we do, we say goodbye to the croutons (though maybe for next time I'll make my own from gluten free bread!) and substitute walnuts or almonds for the crunch instead.


And for those of you who are gluten free, THIS IS your gluten free zucchini bread recipe from scratch. (Perfect to make with the zucchini from your garden this summer.) This one rivals the regular gluten-filled stuff. That's when you know it's good. Yummmm...


For those of you who are NOT gluten-free, here's a super easy & delicious weeknight dinner that we've had to adapt since going gluten free: swedish meatballs. For those of you don't consider yourself a cook, it's as easy as making spaghetti.

Buy a package of frozen meatballs (italian, plain, whatever) from the grocery store & cook in the oven according to directions. (many of these contain gluten, so I had to make my own meatballs here) In a skillet, heat one can of cream of chicken soup, (regular cans of this are not gluten free, fyi) 1 cup of sour cream, & a generous splash of pickle juice. (trust me- that's the yummy kick!) Throw in the meatballs and let simmer for say, 10 minutes or so? Serve over a bed of pasta (rice pasta if you're GF) and enjoy!

And now.... I saved the best 'til last!!!

For gluten free folks, this recipe will likely be invaluable to you. (Aren't GF eaters always on the lookout for a good GF pizza??) For those of you who aren't GF, you should still try this out for fun because it is surprisingly DELICIOUS! (a former student told me about this recipe and she is not GF!) Best homemade pizza I've ever made... and you'll never guess what the crust is made of...


...a cauliflower pizza crust!! (I know. I know. It sounds wierd and gross. You've gotta trust me.) Here's how you do it: take some raw, UNCOOKED, fresh (not frozen) cauliflower and grate it (or put it in a food processor, but I don't even own one!). You'll need 1 cup of cauliflower for a small pizza. (I doubled all of these measurements to make this large pizza) Mix the grated cauliflower in a medium sized bowl with 1 egg, 1 cup of mozzarella cheese, 1 tsp. of oregano, 1 tsp. of parsley or other italian seasoning, and a little salt & pepper. Then pat it evenly down on a greased pizza stone or baking sheet.


Bake the "dough" at 450 for 10-15 minutes. (or up to 20 if you double the recipe) It comes out looking like this. Then top with your pizza sauce (I used Trader Joe's pizza sauce), the toppings of your choice, and mozzarella cheese. Put back in the oven on the broil setting (low) until the cheese melts. (just a few minutes)


And maybe it doesn't look as good as you'd hoped, but it TASTES AMAZING! No joke. Totally shocked us. And Caroline gobbled it DOWN even moreso than a regular pizza! So all you parents sneaking veggies into your kids' food, here ya go! (and if you like it, you could actually make more crusts individually & freeze them to use later, assuming you don't pat them too thin that they'd break apart.)

Yummy hands of love.... Now which one will YOU try?

RUF at the farm...

A big thank you to our church friends Mitch and Betty Ratliff for inviting our RUF group over to their beautiful farm for an end-of-the-year cookout!

much ado about #2...

Once upon a time, when Mommy's head was apparently in a faraway place, she thought she could encourage the Princess to potty train. You see, for awhile now, the Princess was able to be quite the lady when it came to, well, #1.

But that 'twas not true with #2.


So Mommy made the Princess a chart. Here's a way that will help her, Mommy thought! And everyday the Princess would look and point at the chart with excitement. The Princess could even offer looong, detailed explanations on what would happen if she actually succeeded in the bathroom department: if she could go poopie, she would be given a sticker for her chart, and on the 4th sticker, she could go pick a toy of her choosing!! (at the Dollar store, of course...because we are big spenders...) :)

But alas. It wasn't happening.

Not to be blue, but we were giving up on #2.

With each passing week, the anti began to be raised. Bargains were made. TWO stickers for one success! Today you can get THREE stickers for going poopie on the potty! Better yet, if you will just go ONE TIME, you'll get ALL 4 stickers and we'll go immediately to the toy store!... AND we'll go eat some ice cream... etc. etc. (You get the drift.) It was well-known that there would be nothing less than a firework show at our place.

The Princess knew what she needed to do, but it still didn't lead to any #2.

Until... one day last week! Out of the blue, it happened! Sound the alarms!

It was true! She had gone #2!


4 STICKERS on the chart!


Excited calls to all of the grandparents!


A quick trip to the dollar store where I picked out playdough!

A family trip to eat ICE CREAM! (not pictured)


AND then a toy came in the mail from Nanny & Papa, too!

The Princess was beside herself. It was the happiest day of her life.


The Prince, with joy and delight in his eye, said,
"My Princess, I am so proud of you. You figured out how to go #2!"

And they lived happily ever after... (even though it's not happened again since...) :)

daddy's hands of love...

Marc and I (Amy) have been on the lookout for a wooden swingset for a couple of years now. And when Marc saw this particular one at Sams Club, honestly my first reaction was this looks more like a HOTEL than a swingset! Is that what my kid really needs? But alas, when I saw the Amy,-I-really-want-to-build-this-for-my-daughter look in hubby's eye and then both Pop & Mamie AND Nanny & Papa decided to pitch in towards the cost, how could I resist?! Plus, it was less money than most of the simple wooden swingsets we'd been looking at anyways.

But just like ALL home rennovations, what started out as a fun Spring Break project unfortunately turned into a month-long project... (finding time outside to work on it was tough between the cold weather and our family's responsibilities)

At the end of each day that we were able to find time to work on it, I snapped a picture & thought you might appreciate seeing Daddy's "hands of love"... (we love you, Daddy! Way to go!) You'll also see how we went from winter into spring as well! :)


Day 1. Construction begins & Daddy's excited.


Day 2. Pop & Mamie were here to look on.


Day 3. Pop got roped into doing some work. :)


Day 4. Lookin' good, Daddy!


Day 5. We have a roof!


Day, um, "6".


Day "7" was amazing because now I could do this:




Day "8." We're almost there!


Day "9". Complete! Great job, Dad! And a big thank you to Pop & Mamie and Nanny & Papa!

Now let the years of fun begin...

easter 2011...

sleeping beauty...

Some days, don't we all need a break? :)