Friday, July 11, 2014
when it's hard...
I don't have to provide all the disclaimers of how much I love my children, right?
You already know all that.
I look at their faces and I'm beyond grateful for how God brought them into our family.
I think of Marc, who goes to work, gets PAID, sits at a desk or coffee shop. He meets people out for lunch or coffee and has ADULT CONVERSATION. He works very hard, and he, too, is exhausted at the end of the day.
I DON'T get paid, and my job is anything but quiet and calm. I get kicked and insulted. Yesterday a frisbee was accidentally thrown in my face. I clean up disgusting poop and I attempt to keep the four of us fed, laundered, and ALIVE. It feels like I'm under a constant pressure cooker- it's so tempting and easy to snap back and to lose it. (And then when I do lose it, I'm plagued with guilt and so fearful of the damage I've done to our relationship.)
At the end of the day, I, too, am exhausted. But even more than that, I feel angry and disrespected. Like I'm doing all I can do, and it's still not enough.
You with me, mothers of little ones?
Caroline asks me in my moments of impatience "is it hard being a mom?"
Yes. Yes it is. But I also love being a mom, too.
You can pray to that end. You can pray that I won't screw my children up SO bad that their future therapist won't know how to help them. :)
And pray that the joys of stay-at-home-motherhood would return.