Wednesday, January 15, 2014

only He...

I should start saving up for my daughter's future counseling bills now.

Yesterday was one of those days...

Even in my BEST efforts to be a good, loving, consistent parent,

I know I'm screwing up my child.

In one way or another.

My theology tells me that she actually doesn't need much help in this department, as she'll already be screwed up without me.  Thank you oh so much, original sin.

But really.

I'm truly without any hope that I, in my own power, can produce the loving, godly woman I dream my daughter will become one day.  I refuse to believe that there is a "one size fits all" system or formula that can "save" my child.

It simply has to be an act of grace.

I'm seeing her sin all the more clearly as she is nearing age six (going on 13, if you know my Caroline.)

And I'm seeing my sin all the more clearly as I near the age.... oh nevermind.

Sin isn't something we DO, it's who we ARE.  It's a cancer eating out our insides.  It runs through our veins.  A believer in Christ is given a new nature and a new freedom to fight against this sin.  But it often feels like we're waging an uphill battle, doesn't it?

Which then leads me to once again fall on my knees and beg Jesus for help.

At the end of the day, only He can deliver us.  All the Sunday School classes and family devotions in the world can do no good to enliven a dead heart to the things of His kingdom.  As much as I pray, and encourage, and correct, and discipline, and snuggle, and teach....

only He can turn my daughter's heart of stone into a heart of flesh.  (Ezekiel 36:26)

It's days like these I throw my hands up in the air.

I give up.

I'm so keenly aware of my inability to make my children into the tender-hearted people I yearn for them to be.

Maybe this is Gospel-centered parenting.

1 comment:

  1. hugs! I'm worried about teenage years, myself.