out of my hands...

Exhale, Amy!  Okay, I just got home from our birthmom "interview," and I'm trying to wind down after being such an emotional, nerve-wrecking mess this past week in anticipation of the meeting.  My mind is still reeling, but I promised an update.

So bear with me while I scribble out a few reflections upon the meeting.  It may not be so eloquent, but it will be quite therapeutic for me.  It's how I process.

So we loved the birthmom!  She is intelligent, crafty, creative, and easy to talk to.  She recalled little tidbits of information from our profile album.  The conversation flowed well, especially thanks to our two social workers who filled in the few moments where I was overwhelmed by the surreal-ness of the situation & felt like I was coming out of my body!!  :)  We talked alot about her interests, about Caroline, about how we feel about open adoption, etc.  (I made sure to let her know there was an army of people praying for her, no matter what she decides.)  The experience of meeting her was such a strange combination of enjoyment, excitement, and nervousness!  

But the bottom line is that we really liked her and we'd be so honored if she thought we were the family worthy to raise her son.

I, of course, can't help but wonder about the other family.  How did their meeting go?  Did she like them better?  What are THEY thinking about their interaction with her?  I won't place any bets on this sweet gal's decision, but I definitely don't think we're out of the running.  I'm feeling like an insecure middle schooler about right now!-- I THINK she liked us????  :)

As silly (and a bit gross) as this is going to sound, there was a moment in our time together at the restaurant today where I felt like things really "clicked."  At some point, the birthmom had put her hand up to brush the hair away from her eyes or something, and I happened to notice she had super short nails.

I had to go there.

"Okay," I ventured out & there was suddenly no point of return at this point.  I'm just gonna put myself out there.  "Do you bite your nails?"

I know.  That was risky.  Potentially embarrassing.  That's not where I was headed, though.

Without skipping a beat, she and her mom both said, "Yes!  I can't help it- I don't even know when I'm doing it!"

"I do, too!  I'm the biggest nail biter!" I called out, and what ensued for the next few minutes was tons of laughter as we discussed such deep and meaningful issues like who picks their toenails!  ha!  I felt like at that moment, we all just "let down," you know?  And do I dare say I felt at that moment like this was someone I could include in my extended family??  Over nail biting and toe picking??  Ha ha!

She told us what stood out about us were all of our pictures in our profile.  She likes photography.  (well, the day she finds out about this blog?  She'll have all the photos she could ever dream of her child, right?)  And in God's crazy providence, she had an issue as a child with a bald patch on her head (not alopecia) for several years, so she already knew what alopecia was!

I asked her if seeing that we had a bald child scared her at all, and it was like it hadn't even caused her a second thought.  Thank you, God.

So now we wait!  Sounds like we may know in a few days, or it may be the first of next week before we hear anything.

But it's out of our hands.

Well, I guess it never was in our hands to begin with.