You know those times where it seems like everyone around you is either in some stage of pregnancy or having a baby?? We've just rejoiced to hear that two couples of our former RUF students are pregnant, and other former students are already enjoying their newborns! What a delight to our hearts to watch our former students grow in grace as they tackle new frontiers like marriage & parenthood! We also have friends our age who are expecting their 2nd & 3rd children soon, and some of these friends already have children Caroline's age or younger.
I've gotta admit that B.C. (Before Caroline), every pregnancy announcement or baby shower invite was like a stab in the heart for me. It was REALLY a struggle to get outside of my own pain of infertility and be genuinely happy for someone else at such an exciting time in their life. (I'm sure that my friends were probably all tip-toeing around me so as to be sensitive to my feelings, for which I feel terrible!) Why not me, God? Why is it so easy for everyone else? It's not fair that even our students are getting married AND having babies in the time that I'm trying every awful fertility treatment known to mankind & spending who knows how much money only to get another "negative."
But it's only through God's work in my heart and life that NOW when I hear pregnancy news among friends and family, I am genuinely happy! Praise God! I haven't felt those overwhelming pangs of hopelessness and bitterness like I used to.
But our hearts are so complex, aren't they? So instead of anger, bitterness, and despair, now I find myself facing my own feelings of covetousness, discontent, and some good ole fashioned baby fever of my own. :)
I've hesitated for awhile to make my feelings so public. After all, I really am totally content with God's plan for me to become a new mom at the age of 31 when most everyone around me is on their 2nd or 3rd child. And I've shared numerous times on this blog how it's THROUGH all the failed infertility treatments that He brought us the greatest blessing and gift into our life-- our sweet Caroline. And if she is the only child that we ever have, I pray that we will be content with that as well.
But we find ourselves praying for another adoption in God's timing. Now I'm NOT saying I'm ready for a 2nd baby in this house next month (Lord knows that my hands are completely full with this amazing little toddler that we've already got!) But oh, to see Caroline be able to be a big sister one day! Could it happen again, God? I mean, our situation with Megan was UNBELIEVABLE and we couldn't have asked for anything more wonderful. But AGAIN?? Is it even possible? (And of course I KNOW that with God, all things are possible... and I KNOW that He is in control over everything, and I KNOW He will provide every good gift in His perfect timing... but many times we've got to preach the truth to our hearts, don't we?)
So there it is. Praying that at some point God would lead us AGAIN to another amazing birthmother and allow us the opportunity to love her and love her child and adopt him/her into our family. (and if it's not meant to be, may we be content with all that he HAS given to us!) Thanks for joining with us in prayer!