Mother's Day.
For a woman who struggled with years of infertility, it was literally the most dreaded day of the year for me. And THEN, for a woman who was given the BEAUTIFUL gift of a baby through adoption, it became a sweet day to remember God's goodness and faithfulness to me.
This year, for a woman who is in the midst of a daily struggle to figure out & improve my daughter's health, Mother's Day is a little bit of a mixed bag.
On one hand, these are the BEST days of my entire life! Oh, I couldn't imagine my life without this sweet little GIRL holding my hand, calling me "mama," and squeeeeezing me so tight I can't breathe sometimes! God has bestowed me with the most amazing & joyful little daughter, and I am SO proud to call sweet Caroline my own. Being her MOM is the best thing that ever happened to me.
On the other hand, the past 6 months have been some of the HARDEST of my life, too. I look at the pictures of last Mother's Day and weep. I miss that girl. Honestly, as irrational as it is, I struggle with feeling responsible for what has happened to her, and for not being able to "fix" it. As I am consumed with doctor's visits, elimination diets, and just wondering what else I can DO, being a MOM is just plain tough. I feel like I am giving everything I have, but still failing.
But I have a gal who convinces me otherwise every day as she looks up to me as her everything.
Various friends have reminded me that in God's plan, He already knew what was going to happen to Caroline before she was ever born. And He wanted ME(!?) to be the one to walk her through it. In His good providence, He wanted ME(!?) to be the one to care for her in this. Megan, it was good to hear you say that all of this has confirmed your decision to place Caroline with us, not questioned it. God knew what He was doing all along. I am humbled and full of awe when I remember that He has called ME(!?) to love, serve, teach, and protect HER, both in the fun times and the hard ones, too.
And this Mother's Day, I couldn't be more grateful to have that privilege.
I know our situations are way different. But it sometimes helps me to just concentrate on the happy. Of course there is the time to grieve what has been lost and take that time to do that, by all means. But also let your happy moments be your happy moments. Caroline is still that same sweet and smart little girl I met last year. And she has parents who are living out the truth of the gospel for her. Your cup overflows.
ReplyDeleteHappy Mother's Day, Amy! Can we please plan a way to meet up when we are in D.C. this summer? I would love to see you and get to know sweet Caroline! We love y'all so much!
ReplyDeleteAmy, your honesty is beautiful. Thank you for sharing. The pictures are gorgeous. Love you!
ReplyDeleteI am confirmed every day by what happens in our lives, that God does place us in and with situations and those whom He wants us to have in our lives. Caroline was placed in our family just for the reason for us to experience the great joy and love that she brings into our lives -especially you (Amy) & Marc. I praise God every day that she is Caroline Elizabeth Corbett, the beautiful daughter of Marc & Amy Corbett. All the joy and blessings so outweigh the pain and grief we experience. He is in control. We might not be able to at this time, but one day we will look back at these days and say "thank you Lord", you are so good.
ReplyDeletelove your honesty, love the pictures. You are both absolutely beautiful. Marc is really blessed with such an amazing wife and an amazing daughter! :-)
ReplyDeleteSuch sweet pictures! You can tell that little girl just ADORES her mommy!
ReplyDeletehi amy! i have been following your blog for a couple of months now, ever since justin mentioned to me that marc had e-mailed the guys' list serve about caroline. i saw this blog post today (gluten free deals at amazon), and thought of you immediately. i wanted to pass it along in case no one else did: http://wantnot.net/2010/05/11/gluten-free-rejoice/
ReplyDeletemy kids and i are skipping out on summer conference this year. three kids, ages three and under without daddy being constantly available did not sound like fun to me! :) if you are there, or are headed there next week, i hope y'all have a great time!!
meredith (ruf@ut-martin)
Beautiful!
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