Sunday, February 5, 2012

the perfectionistic woman's prayer...

I don't have it together. And I can't get it together.

I'm so grateful that I don't have to get it together, either. (though my sinful nature accuses me)

I grow so weary of the pretending. In myself, and in those around me.

It's an endless, wearisome treadmill to get it together.

To make my house look immaculate.
To be the perfect mom and have my child behave appropriately in every setting. (yeah, right..)
To look cute and attractive.
To have the perfect scarf, the perfect shoe, the perfect WHATEVER to match every outfit.
To cook the "perfect" meals, made with no processed foods & whipped up from scratch. (of course, right?)
To be giving and gracious to everyone around me.
To earn the respect and approval of all those watching.
To be the dutiful pastor's wife that never doubts, prays without ceasing, and loves Jesus above all else.

Do you feel the pressure? I do.

Maybe it's from the outside, but I'm sure alot of it is from within.

Sometimes it feels like life has now become more of a giant perfectionistic pageant, and whoever's life looks the most like Pinterest wins.

Is anyone with me here?? Maybe it's just me.

I'm in this race with everyone else, but I just want to run to the sidelines and find others who want to sit there with me, too. Let's talk about something beyond our clothes or food or the guilt we feel about our bodies. (not that those don't matter. you understand.)

Let's drink high fructose corn syrup in our sweatpants together.
Let's put away our masks and talk about what's really hurting in our hearts.
Let's spur one another on towards actually being godly women, not just beautiful ones.

I need help. I need help abandoning this stupid race of "keeping up." I need women in my life who see the folly of my pursuits and who gave up long ago and are happier and more godly for it. I know I say I want to change, but it isn't easy to let go.

I need Jesus.

Not to make me look cleaned-up and put together.
I need Him because I appear that way, and it's all on my own strength.

Somehow I fall into the thinking that I can do it all.

If I'm the best parent, my kid won't rebel.
If I'm the best looking, I'll be satisfied with myself.
If I eat all the right foods, then I'll feel good and healthy.
If I lose some weight, people will think I'm pretty.
If my house is cleaned and orderly, then life will feel manageable.

Jesus doesn't need me to be the best. Why is that my goal?

I'm weak. I'm a mess. I'm a tightly wound ball of anxiety. But you know what my Savior says?

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.

In weakness? Not in strength and having it altogether like I see so many Christian women like myself striving to be???

Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Lord, I repent of trying to be what you have not called me to be. Grant me the strength and ability to boast in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.


  1. I remember feeling like that. These days I'm just glad God gives me enough energy to muddle through from day to day.

  2. Let's sit together on the sidelines...

    miss you..........

  3. That was wonderful, thank you for being so honest! I tend to waver between guilt and apathy, when I want to be gospel focused. - Kim Hirmas