it's time...

Hello blog readers, if you're still out there...

Forgive me for the slowdown of posts.  It's certainly not for the lack of photos to show you.  But this past week, we've had yet another troubling ear infection in Jameson, (this makes 6? 7 in 7 months?  I've lost count) and at this moment, he is at the worst healthwise that we've ever seen him.

I beg you to pray.

I know it will be okay in the long run, but we are all struggling in the meantime.

Most of the other infections didn't come with fever like this one, and he has never screamed so inconsolably for so long and for so many days...

We are on Day 2 of a very strong antibiotic, which is kicking up his reflux and causing him to choke, hiccup, throat burning, you name it.  He's not eating much or sleeping much, and he's always in pain.  It's only a once a day antibiotic, and after two doses it's not "kicking in" yet to help.  I know this because my usually super-content baby boy is still writhing and crying GOBS of tears, pulling on his ears.  It seems as if Tylenol and Ibuprofin aren't even touching it.

Nighttime is a disaster.  Last night he was up from 3:00-5:00am, and it took both Marc and me to work to calm him.  He is only somewhat consoled in our arms, rocking in the rocking chair.  For the past several nights, I find myself rocking him and crying out to the Lord.  I feel so utterly helpless.  It is like torture to watch your child endure such pain.

Marc and I are exhausted.  Sleep deprivation is turning me into a crazy person.  I'm not joking.  I am so anxious and tired, and I know it's ridiculous to say it, but it feels like this will never end.  We both feel like we're flirting with the edge of sanity, and I don't know how much more we can take.   My infant literally needs CONSTANT care, and I'm trying to parent Caroline, fulfill my job as worship director, put food on the dinner table, and keep my head above water.   It's especially times like these that having family nearby would be so, SO helpful.

Caroline is disappearing into her room constantly to make little cards for her brother and for us, telling us how much she loves us all.  I can see her heart breaking with ours over her little brother's health.

I should probably get myself to bed right now (as Marc has already done), but I'm so desperate for prayer right now that I have to write.

The good(?) news is that our pediatrician has said it's time to get ear tubes put in.  Hallelujah!  While I don't want one more thing to be anxious about (like putting my infant through surgery... heaven help me), part of me is like let's get this done already!!  I can count on one hand the number of good weeks Jameson has had in seven months where he hasn't been coming down with an infection or on an antibiotic.  It's. Time.

So we're hoping things will turn around with tubes.  Surgery isn't scheduled yet.  Of course the holiday weekend will put that on hold.  First we've got to get him feeling better.  The poor thing is so miserable.  I am dreading another night of this.

I know I have a heavenly Father who understands my fears and my feelings this very moment.  He knows the anxiety of watching His son endure pain.  And so I cry out to Him to heal my dear little one, to comfort and console where I cannot.

Speaking of which, he's up crying again.... thank you for your love and prayers, dear friends.