Sunday, May 10, 2009
being a mom...
On my first Mother's Day last year, I reflected on what it's like for a woman struggling through infertility to absolutely dread Mother's Day. (I'd encourage any of you guys-- particularly if you are going through infertility or know someone who is-- to read it again HERE.) I just remember last year how STRANGE (and wonderful) it was to my ears to hear someone tell me "Happy Mother's Day."
This year, on my second Mother's Day, I've had alot more time to get used to the idea that I'm now a MOM. Don't get me wrong-- my heart still goes out to so many women and couples who are skipping church today simply because to them, "Mother's Day" feels more like a slap in the face. And now, even though I've joined this invisible worldwide-club of Moms, in a way I think I'll always feel connected to those women who DON'T have children or CAN'T have children. And like I said last year, God would be NO more good and gracious to me had He never brought Caroline to our family. But certainly for us, Mother's Day is now a day that points our family to the Lord, because truly without Him, I'd never be a mom.
I'm a mom!!! Caroline knows me. She can pick me out of a crowd. She calls me "mama." She literally clings to me when she thinks I'm leaving her. She was placed into our family through the self-sacrificing love of birthmommy Megan and under the loving hand of God.
And she couldn't be any more wonderful, and I couldn't love her any more fiercely, than had she come out of my very own tummy.
There are little moments sometimes that I look at her and think how strange it is that she ISN'T "ours." Biologically, she wasn't "supposed" to be my daughter. But in God's beautiful and strange design, His plan said otherwise. She was supposed to be ours before we ever met a wonderful gal named Megan. She was supposed to be ours before we began the physical and emotional torment of infertility treatments. (that's partly what He used to bring us along to see His plan "A" for us was adoption!) Before we had ANY clue what would lie ahead of us, God had a plan for me to become a mom that was far more beautiful than I could've ever dreamed or asked for.
Like any mom, there are many days when I'd like to have a little freedom to go where I'd like to go and do what I'd like to do aside from cleaning yucky food bits off the kitchen floor 4 times a day and changing endless amounts of diapers. I've been a world traveler. I've been a symphony player. I've been a school orchestra director. I've been a pastor's wife. I've been all these things, but there's nothing that can even halfway compare to the joy and delight of being a mom.
And speaking of being a mom, I can't believe I just put my family on a plane! (though I must admit I'm enjoying a little peace and quiet around here!) This was the "bye bye" I got at the airport as Daddy took her through security on the way to Florida! Good luck, Daddy! I'll see you guys tomorrow! I love you!